( clam crowing like a rooster )
And so passes another sleepless night,
haunted by my inability to steal even a single Krabby Patty.
Maybe today will be the day.
Thank you for your patronizing words,
computer wife.
Do you even have a plan?
Plan, schman... I'm going to wing it.
What's the worst thing that could happen?
I'm in.
That was easy.
Maybe today is the day
l'm going to steal the Krabby Patty formula...
( screaming )
Careful, Plankton, I just mopped there.
( groans )
Look at you, Plankton,
Once again you've fallen flat on your back
in another pathetic attempt to steal me formula.
Though you tried and tried,
you haven't had the smallest nibble
of my delicious formula.
And you never will!
( laughing )
How do you sleep at night
knowing you're a complete failure?
There really should be a "Wet Floor" sign.
Yeah, if that were me who slipped,
I'd sue old man Krabs
for all he's got.
Does that include the Krabby Patty formula?
Of course.
Oh, the pain!
I can't feel my arms and legs!
I think they're broken.
l'll have to sue for my pain and suffering.
Sue?!
Oh, that looks bad.
Uh-oh.
Poor little man.
Hold up a second!
Plankton, we don't need
to drag this little incident
into court, do we?
Well...
if you transfer the Krabby Patty formula to me,
I'll forget your gross negligence.
Scoundrel!
You'll have my formula
when you pry it from me lifeless claws!
( laughing sinisterly )
See you in court, Krabs!
Uh, I mean...
Oh, the pain!
The deep frying pain!
I'm in a blue ruin.
I'm doomed.
Don't worry, Mr. Krabs,
I will do whatever it takes
to keep The Krusty Krab formula
from getting into Plankton's evil hands.
What I really need is a good lawyer.
Hello, did somebody say "lawyer"?
Richard A. Bottomfeeder, Attorney At Law.
I couldn't help but notice that despicable display.
So, uh, how much is this going to cost me?
Actually, I won't charge you a dime unless we win.
( cash register dings )
ln fact, I think we should counter sue
for everything Plankton owns.
( cash register dings )
( clanking )
Does that happen a lot?
No, they're usually silver.
( humming )
Mr. Krabs?
What is it, lad?
I thought you might want
to hear my testimony
for when you call me as a character witness.
I've been rehearsing it.
Actually, SpongeBob,
we won't be needing any testimony from you.
Why, you'd be more of a...
( whispering )
of a liability than an asset.
But I...
Now, run along...
make things shipshape for my victory celebration.
I've got to get to the courthouse early.
There's only a few free parking places.
Oh, this is going to be
a slam dunk...
( screams )
Oh, no!
Mr. Krabs's lawyer!
Speak to me!
Wracked with pain...
Can't move...
But what about Mr. Krabs's case?
Looks like you're going to have to handle this one, son.
But I'm a...
a liability.
Everything you need to win...
( gasping )
is in this here case.
Really? Everything?
Uh-huh, everything but a suit.
A suit.
Wonder where I could get a suit.
( The People's Court theme music plays )
I'll give you one last chance.
l'll drop the charges if you give me the formula.
Never, you little whelp!
( crowd gasps )
Ow, ow, my wittle arm!
( crowd gasps )
What? No, I didn't lay a claw on him.
Ow... my other arm!
( crowd gasps )
He's lying!
Bah!
Court will come to order.
The Honorable Judge Tickleback presiding.
Mr. Krabs, where is your attorney?
l don't know where he could be.
( crashing )
Here I am!
Thank you for joining us, Mister...
SpongeBob LawyerPants, Your Honor.
( softly ): What are you doing here, SpongeBob?
Your lawyer, uh, fell down on the job.
But don't worry, Mr. Krabs, I have everything under control.
It's, uh, all in here.
Really?
Yup, right in... here...
Is there a problem?
Uh, your lawyer didn't give me the combination.
ls the plaintiff ready to proceed?
Yes, Your Honor, I'll try.
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
l wasn't always the tortured shell of a protozoa
that writhes in pain before you today.
I... was a vibrant carefree, happy-go-lucky single cell.
Pull yourself together, boy.
Then came the fateful day that I paid an innocent visit
to the deathtrap known as The Krusty Krab.
How's it coming, lad?
Don't worry, Mr. Krabs, l'm on the case.
Upon entering said establishment,
l found myself without any warning
slipping and finally falling onto a hard, unforgiving floor
that had been intentionally covered
with a viscous fluid.
Bombs away!
( metal rattling )
PLANKTON: Ahem!
Are you quite finished?
Mm-hmm.
Where was I?
Oh, yeah.
But the worst part is...
my dreams of completing a marathon,
like I promised my old Grammy, have been dashed.
( sobbing )
I'm sorry, Gram-Gram!
( sobbing )
Sorry!
( all sobbing )
Thank you for your kind attention.
( softly ): Suckers.
Does the defense ( sobs )
have an opening statement?
Yes, Your Honor.
Poor Gram-Gram!
Mr. Krabs, can you identify this item?
KRABS: It's a "Wet Floor" sign.
Do you own one?
Uh, well... um...
No, I don't.
( jurors gasp )
No, no, you don't understand!
I had to make some tough business decisions
and the sign seemed... superfluous.
( jurors murmuring "guilty" )
No more questions.
JUDGE: Your witness, Mr. LawyerPants.
Huh?
Sometime today, Mr. Pants.
May it please the court, ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
my client has been called "cheap," "miserly,"
and "chronically tightfisted."
Uh... um...
But if he were as cheap as the prosecution claims he is,
would he be able to sit there quietly
while I took out a dollar and dropped it in the blender?
( gasps )
( blender whirring )
No! No! No!
Daddy's got you. Daddy's got you.
Daddy's here.
( murmuring in disgust )
Uh...
A little glue, a little tape...
you'll be right as rain.
Daddy didn't forget you.
Uh...
Does the defense have any witness to call?
Yes, Your Honor.
Defense calls...
Squidward to the stand.
Ah, Squidward, a loyal employee.
SPONGEBOB: Mister, uh, Squidward is it?
My client has been called "cheap."
Would you agree with that ludicrous statement?
Yes. What?!
Allow me to rephrase
the question.
Can you tell the court of some instance
of Mr. Krabs's generosity in any way?
Nope. Can I go now?
One day off in three years,
and I have to spend it testifying?
( jurors gasp; murmur in disgust )
Must... open... case.
So, it was you who made the floor slippery, wasn't it?
Answer the question!
Need I remind you, that you, sir, are under oath?
I'm doomed.
You may as well give up on that case, me boy,
my goose is cooked.
( gasps )
Mr. Krabs, I'm surprised at you.
We can't give up just because things look bleak.
This trial will be won by what's in your heart,
not what's in this dumb old case.
It's open.
It's...
It's just his lunch.
Or is it?
Defense calls Plankton to the stand.
Why did you go into The Krusty Krab that day?
To, you know, say hello to my once-good-friend, Mr. Krabs.
What?
Are you sure it wasn't to make off
with one of these?!
( sniffing )
Gotcha.
Weren't you there to steal the formula
of the most delicious, sweet-smelling sandwich
known to Bikini Bottom?
Krabby Patty...
( groaning )
I can't take it!
Give me!
Give me! Give me!
Yippee!
Finally it's mine!
KRABS: I'll take that.
Huh?
No! No! No!
Once again, Plankton,
the sweetest of life's joys
has eluded your grasp.
No! No! No! No!
Has the jury reached a verdict?
We have, Your Honor.
We find the defendant...
not guilty!
But he is cheap.
Thank you, SpongeBob.
I was foolish not to accept your help
from the beginning.
That's okay, Mr. Krabs.
I made you a present.
A present for me?
Close your eyes and hold out your hand.
( groans in pain )
SPONGEBOB: It's a "Wet Floor" sign.
I made it myself.
Well, it'll do.
After all, it's free.